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人類圖讀劇, 暢聊人類圖 Comments

人類圖讓我與童年和解，受傷變成美麗的刺青

By · On 2018-03-21

小時候最常聽到長輩對我說：「 你真懂事是個早熟的孩子！」

從我有記憶以來，我的家是熱鬧的三代同堂，我很喜歡玩積木，我常常建造很大的城堡或是輪船，把所有的家人都裝進去，那是我小時候最喜歡做的事，但快樂的記憶很短暫，我不知道為什麼爸爸突然會對媽媽家暴，也不知道為什麼常常有不同的阿姨們出現在爸爸身邊，更不明白他為什麼後來住在監獄裡。

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四歲那年，媽媽背著剛出生的妹妹牽著我走進法院，拿回一張離婚協議書與我們的監護權。還記得在法院時我的內心有多害怕、回家後有多憤怒。一個內心受傷的孩子，通常會大哭大鬧一場，但我卻是像個大人一樣，抱著我那哭到抽慉的母親，最後我處理自己情緒的方式，就是把所有的積木都毀了，之後我再也不玩了。

一艘有全家人在上面的輪船，重重的被我摔在地上。我很想哭很想叫，但我知道我媽媽比我更難過，所以我沒有哭也沒有叫，只跟自己說：「以後要保護這個家的是我！」

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在認識人類圖之前，我一直都認為被說懂事早熟，完全是因為我的家庭、因為我那還不成熟的爸爸，讓我往後的日子總是無法像同儕們那樣，好好享受學生時代。但無法像同儕們一樣過日子的成因有很多，自從有了保護家的念頭，我大概聽不見自己內心的聲音，我只聽得見母親的期望與需求，多年來我追求的只有母親的認同，但我母親從來沒有讚美過我，她對我非常嚴格，要我成為妹妹最好的榜樣，成為她這位單親媽媽的完美女兒。

一直以來我都把滿足媽媽的期望當成我此生最重要的事，但總是得不到肯定，所以我也真的覺得「對！是我不夠好！」我的自我價值感一直很低，直到到外地唸大學後，我努力的打工證明自己不是母親的負擔，前三年都花時間在打工，所以和班上的同學沒有太大的交集，常常有種格格不入的感覺，不然就是過分迎合各式各樣的同學們。我一直都知道自己只要跟一個人相處一陣子，就能感應對方的需求與喜好，所以要成為任何人的朋友都可以，只要我還有電，只要我繼續忽視自己的內心，我就可以勉強自己滿足別人的期望。

在開始研究我自己的人類圖之前，我大部分的時間都在迷惘，找不到自己的價值總是焦慮不安，也沒有遇到健康又正確的伴侶關係，我一直覺得都是自己不夠好的關係。

直到下面這張圖的出現，我就買了《人類圖：區分的科學》來研究我自己！
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研究我自己的人類圖可以說是2017年最棒的決定，薦骨中心空白的我，不知適可而止的熬夜把自己讀懂，一有空就複習，急著去制約，想快點成為一個典範，影響身邊的人。我想每個人類圖的麻瓜都會有這種感覺吧！

我的內心很明白，去制約的路急不得，那些讀懂自己的moment真的很難忘，就像人類圖氣象報告，總在我需要時po文，認識人類圖之後的日子，每天都好神奇！處在一個經濟壓力很大的環境，現階段還是要勉強接受一些直覺沒有感應的邀請，每次硬著頭皮完成的邀請，都讓我很疲憊，但我相信這條去制約、回到我內在權威與策略的路，會越走越好，會越來越像我自己，一個單純的人！

反覆閱讀我所擁有的通道與閘門，從生活中體會我九大能量中心如何運作，感受那些神秘的爻在我的人生中送給我的禮物與課題，這些美妙的感覺，讓我內心曾經受傷的部分，變成一種美麗的刺青，留在我身上但是沒有悲傷沒有恨。

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研究人類圖時，也讓我深深的覺得每個人的人生都不容易，有很多課題要學，還有各自不同的人生使命要完成，所以我的父母也是一樣的呀！

雖然在我成長的過程中沒有機會好好當個孩子，但這也是促使我不斷突變、不斷成為自己的最佳動力！謝謝人類圖，讓我和我的童年和解、讓我瞭解原來宇宙送了我好多愛的禮物，未來的日子我會好好用心體會與學習宇宙的祕密。

• 作者│侒玖，本文為「2017亞洲人類圖學院徵文比賽（麻瓜組）」佳作作品，原文標題《為我的童年點燈》，未經同意禁止任意複製轉載、改作或重製。

• 邀請你一起按讚追蹤Facebook 亞洲人類圖學院 Human Design School in Asia 
   Instagram @humandesignasia

• 點這裡  取得你的人類圖

• 你對人類圖有興趣嗎？如果你渴望了解自己，探索你獨一無二的設計，歡迎透過以下方式，進入人類圖的神奇世界：相關書籍 、個案解讀、近期課程

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